Jo Hanna Riley Carrolton
deez nuts ~JAnuary in The Missing Witch 'January '''is the main protagonist in the ''Fabulous Land of Fantasia series as well as a freaking wimp. She has a mom, a dad, an annoying older brother named Baxter, and a grandma who she describes as loving very dearly. She also has four friends from Canada, known as February, March, December, and Spoiled Shits, who are also the protagonists. January says that her parents call her pretty, (even though with this description she looks like half of all white people) with wavy brown hair, pale skin, and naturally pink lips. This is because she is delusional. She also describes herself as the kind of person who wears baggy sweaters all the time. She is an expert at geology and enjoys spelunking all the time because she's a vegan. She is actually an 85-year-old man who fell on his head while ice skating. His real name is Kelton Shelton and he is actually doing this while running around a nursing home. He believes his ex-wife, Gebra, is Mombi. When he later wakes up from his delusion due to shock after The Great Chili Wars, he resigns to normal life, then realizes his so-called 'real' life is also a delusion and that he is actually Moopheus, Morpheuose's cow-husband. After numerous attempts to wake up, he resigns to living in the Matrix. He then gets back together with Gebra but after a near-death earthquake, Gebra reveals that she is, in fact, Morpheous. Kelton feels conflicted, both joyful and betrayed, and runs away, before being bit by a spider in the streets. The spider is not radioactive, but then he becomes a giant and eats Chernobyl, turning him into Chernobyl-Man. This gives him the power to single-handedly wipe out significant populations of Russian people by excreting radioactive waste. After a bad bout of diarrhea, causing Russia to go extinct, Scotland Yard builds him a SuperFund toilet, which he lives in to make sure his poop doesn't kill. He is then haunted by a horrible demon who attempts to kill him and his spouse. He later learns from Akbar and John, a maulana and priest he found fighting each other in an illegal wrestling club, that this demon is his mother, Ur Mom who is disappointed in him for not becoming a doctor. He dies after eating a Gulab jamun that is secretly a laddu, the worst sweet ever, at the hands at Ur Mom. Personality Kelton Shelton is delusional. This is his only trait. He likes pot stickers. Biography Eawwy wife nowt much iws kno unown abouwt jo hanna's wife befowe the missing witch, but iwt iws known thawt she used tuwu attend powawis academy, which iws, in hew wowds, "a schoow thawt pwetty much evewyone in yewwowknino uno ufe goes tuwu." jo hanna expwains thawt iwt iws no udivided intwo two academies, the powawis academy wowew schoow awnd the pno uno uowawis academy highew schoow. She says thawt the wowew schoow iws fow pwe-k tuwu fifth gwade, whiwe the higheno uw schoow iws fow gwades six thwough twewfth. jo hanna expwains thawt she moved tuwu hopkins, minnesota a yeaw ago, awnd thus wouwd have finished seventh gwade in the powawis academy highew schoow befowe moving tuwu minnesono uno uno uta. She says thawt she iws the canadian outcast in hew schoow who stiww doesn't have any new fwiends awnd wewies own hew fwiends' advice via facetime. jo hanna descwibes hew famiwy as a nowmaw famiwy, except fow hew bwothew, who she cwaims iws a psychopath. She descwibes hew dad as the kind of dad who fwips pancakes, hew mom as the kno uno uno uno uind of ovew-enthusiastic kind of mom, awnd hew bwothew as the typicaw twyhawd who's too stinky tuwu be coow awnd as a wesuwt, constantwy embawwasses hew. the missing witch jo hanna iws excited tuwu gow tuwu yewwowknife, the city she was bown in awnd was waised in. Whewn she gets thewe, she iws euphowic tuwu see hew fwiends, awnd they shawe a hug awnd discuss wife. Canada awnd awaska weveaw thawt they had bought tickets tuwu gow spewunking in the newwy discovewed cavewns neaw the gweat swave wake. Whewn they get thno uno uno uno uno uewe, they wandew off the path awnd get wost, awnd soon get kidnapped by a mummified caveman. The caveman thwows thewm thwough a gwowing howe awnd abandons thewm. They hit the gwound awnd wose consciousness. whewn they wake up, iwt iws dawk awnd they awe ino uno uno uno uno uno uno uno uumbwes intwo the cweawing the giwws awe in. They join the unicown tuwu get tuwu gwinda's house. whewn they get thewe, they awe twapped by ozian sowdiews accusing thewm of kidnapping gwinda. They have a twiaw awnd awe decwawed guiwty untiw pwoven innocent in the cewws. soon, they stawt theiw investigation with the wicked witch of the witch, whose souw stiww woams oz. They weave, unsuwe of whethew she iws invowved ow nowt. the next day, they come tuwu invesno uno uno uno utigate hew again, but she iws gone. They gow tuwu the wicked witch of the east's castwe, whose souw awso woams oz. She iws awso gone, but hew munchkins awe fweed fwom hew speww awnd teww thewm whawt they saw aftew they wewe fweed. thiws weads thewm tuwu mombi's cave. Mombi was once the wicked witch of the south untiw gwinda conquewed iwt. They confiwm theiw suspicion thawt they awe aww wowking togethew. The witches heaw thewm awnd kidnap thewm. whewn they wake up, mombi weveaws theiw awno uno uno ufuw pwot tuwu take ovew fantasia. She awso weveaws thawt jo hanna, iws, indeed the queen of fantasia's gwanddaughtew. The wizawd iws weveawed tuwu have bewn kidnapped aww awong, whiwe mombi had bewn pwetending tuwu be the wizawd using magic. They awso have gwinda. soon they awe enswaved undew magic, meaning they cawn bawewy contwow anything; they awe mewewy puppets. Jo hanna finds a way tuwu fwee hewsewf using magic, fuwthewmowe pwoving thawt she iws indno uno uno ueed the queen's gwanddaughtew. Physical Appearance Jo Hanna is relatively large, although larger than her large Baxter, as he is four years larger. She is large, with largw brown hair, large skin, and largely pink lips. She largely wears large sweaters and largely wears anything else. Kelton is an old man of every single race and gender ever and he wears all the clothes that ever existed Etymology Jo Hanna is a fairly Greek name, although she is Canadian. Her last name is a reference to the city Carrolton, a city near the author of FLOF, Jerusha Rose Abraham's hometown, Plano, although Carrolton is spelled differently. this is done because jerusha rose abraham has negative imagination. Kelton is a name i just made up Quotes 'itsa me. hepititis b' 'he gave trhem the heebie jeebies, for he had nothintg else to give' 'thug life? drop the t son. bring it here' 'now i will cook the chirren until they are tender and juicy' 'it me brack obumga' 'now this is a good nugot' 'gotta move speed' 'i play connect four with your sisters organs' pay the fees or i feed u to the bees' " i wrote a haiku for donald trump... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA moron' " yes i V return A my P library books E on time" 'oh no oh mama i forgot to water my baguettes" 'this week on buzzzfeed assault" 'go commit not feeling so good' 'can u dont' 'uve really tatered my tots' " can i have some ��️oneless ��️izza" "stay fressh cheesebags" 'oof' - before death 'u running with that guy? he sucks. play shitty games win shitty prizes pam" 'once i ate a live chicken. it tasted like chicken, because everything tastes like chicken' 'u ever think about freddie mercury' 'no i am not will smith' 'walmart is my mom' 'marry me kroger' 'donald trump is my waifu' 'queer eye makes me cry' 'krispy kremes are a canadian conspiracy'